anger in brokenness

this was written yesterday...

my heart is broken today.  everything inside of me is begging for the tears to flow but anger is built up in this brokenness that has put me at a weird state.

about 5 days ago i was reading a blog posting from the Rescue Center in Haiti that i find myself checking in on frequently.  this particular story caught my attention from some reason.  this father of three was at a loss for what to do with his 6 month old daughter.  his wife died after delivering her and he could take care of her anymore.  he hiked 6 hours with her to reach the Rescue Center with a hope they could take her. 

i have been doing a lot of reading about what some, who have nothing, choose to do with their children in Haiti and found out that many families give their children away with the hope of them having food on the table, a roof over their head, and possibly an education (something you and i may never understand).  many times that does not happen but the risk is worth it for many poor families.  (nightline covered a story that sparked my interest...read these for some insight from Haitians here and here.)  this father gave his daughter to the Rescue Center in search for hope.  

she was not healthy when she came in, as many Haitian children aren't (1/5 of the children don't live past age 5), and i read today that she passed away...suffering from 108.3 temperature and seizures.  

as amazingly rough as that is...there is no way for them to let the father know of her passing.  he will come next week to visit her and find out the news.  

my heart breaks for Lori and Licia who sacrifice for and serve Haiti with all their heart...who have greater faith then you and i will ever experience in our "safe" lives and "safe" churches here in the states.  my heart breaks for these ladies who gave so much but lost this earthly battle for her life (though God is in total control).  my heart breaks for the suffering that Chabina had to go through.  i chest has had that lump in it all day...the lump that feels like i am holding emotions back...but i can't let it out.

my heart is angry because as i lay my head on my pillow tonight there is a dad who lays his head down after a hard day at work with the hope of seeing his daughter next week but the reality is after he travels 6 hours by foot...he will find out that the LORD took his baby girl home.  as a dad (not from a godly perspective) this seems very unfair.  i am broken for the day he learns the very thing that i know... but i am hundreds, if not, thousands of miles away.  

i wish i had to the means to hike to his house to share to him the bad news.  as a dad i want him to know!

taken from the Rescue Center blog...i lean on it too:

Isaiah 55:8-9

8 "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

     neither are your ways My ways,'

     declares the LORD.

9 'As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are My ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts.'"